Christians Struggle, too...

I was one of those people. It's true, I don't like to admit it, but I was.

I thought when I gave my life to Christ and became a Christian, life would be easy. I'd be happy all the time, I'd never struggle with doubt, or anger, or temptation. Haha, ridiculous, right?

What do I struggle with most? Lately it's been doubt. Doubt in my abilities, doubt in God's love for me, doubt that my prayers will ever be answered. It's ridiculous when I sit and think about it, but it's true, and that's what this blog is for. A place for me to write down my real thoughts.

On September 8, 2011, Brad went back to work after a week off when Madilyn was born. The difference was he moved to 2nd shift instead of 1st. The position he took paid more, and we figured more money couldn't be a bad thing since we now had 3 kids to provide for. At first there were no issues, 2nd shift worked great for almost a year, and then Karli started kindergarden.

When Karli started kindergarden she was in school from 8:30 am to 2:55 pm, and Brad works from 3-11pm. He didn't get to see Karli at all. Karli was so upset all the time, she always asked to see her daddy, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Fast forward a year, Lauryn has started kindergarden so now I have 2 little girls asking to see their daddy at night, and there's nothing I can do about it. We've been praying for a year & a half that a 1st shift position would open up for Brad. And for a year & a half, that prayer has gone unanswered.

I know I should be grateful that Brad has a job that provides for our family. We don't really have to go without, I know a lot of people are so much worse off than us, but I've really been struggling lately with this prayer going unanswered. I'm upset, I find myself BEGGING God to answer this prayer. I see people posting things on Instagram and Facebook about family nights even just family dinners. I see other families at Calvary on Wednesday Night Family Nights, and I become so insanely jealous, it's ridiculous.

Why can't Brad just get moved to 1st shift? Why is this a prayer God won't answer? I know a lot of people are going to tell me I'm selfish, or pathetic. I'm prepared for that, and I've been called much worse things, at least I'm being honest. While the thoughts and feelings I've been having aren't something I'm proud of at all, they're real, because Christians struggle, too.